A lot in 6 months...
As some of you may know (hopefully most of you know this by now because it’s like 75% of what I talk about these days), I have been struggling with Endometriosis for upwards of 8 years now. It wasn’t until Fall of 2023 that I had firm speculations of a potential case of Endo, and then not until January 2024 that it was confirmed that I have Endometriosis.
On January 29, 2024 I went in for my first laparoscopic excision surgery due to a potential case of Endo. For uterus-havers struggling with the disease, surgery is the only gold standard test to properly diagnose endometriosis, while also removing the tissue. If you find yourself wondering what the f*%$ is laparoscopic excision surgery, I’m here to answer that. I may not be a doctor or practiced health practitioner, nor do I have a phd in women’s healthcare, but I do have a lot of personal experience and a wealth of knowledge on the topic. Laparoscopic excision surgery is when surgeons use special surgical tools to examine and remove tissue in the pelvic and abdominal region typically.
Kind of scary don’t you think? To go into an invasive surgery, while fully under anesthetics, all for the POSSIBILITY of finding Endometrial tissue. And then what? Part of you wants them to not find anything, because then that means you don’t have to deal with a lifelong disease burdening your days. The other part needs them to find something during the surgery to give you some sort of tangible answers to your problems, pain, and strife.
I remember waking up to the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life, coming from my insides…actually radiating from everywhere. I felt paralyzed with pain, while also severely drugged from all the pain meds and anesthesia. But the first thing I asked, eyes closed, barely conscious, was, “did they find anything?”. They found something alright. Stage 3-4 Endometriosis all over my bowel, colon, ovaries, uterus, rectum, and pelvis. Worst case of Endo they’ve seen in a 22 year old. Thank you very much, I will accept my award now.
I’d love to say that the surgery brought immediate, lasting relief, but unfortunately, it was never in my cards to be “easy” in any case of my story.
The first week following surgery was…unique to say the least.
There were a lot of tears shed during this healing process. Grieving the future I may not get, and nurturing the past I had to struggle through. While healing the wounds from surgery, I was healing wounds from a little girl learning how to find her place in the world. I was healing the sexual trauma that I experienced and that millions of other women experience. I was healing the parts of others I chose to forgive before they even recognized them. The male doctors that turned me away with such easy dismissal, and negligence. Accusing me of overreacting, and attempting to cover up the damage with Advil, NSAIDs, and birth control. Basically covering up the damage by creating more damage to clean up in the future.
Amidst this healing journey and balancing my medications, let’s not forget that I’m also just a 22 year old girl, trying to enjoy her senior year at university and staying on track for graduation in June of 2024. Being that I was single, and confined to the rehabilitation center, I mean my home, naturally I took to Hinge. Yes, the app.
The amount of men that asked for sex/hookups in that week was actually unimaginable. And the amount of men that quite literally turned me away because I couldn’t give them that (DAYS AFTER A VERY DIFFICULT SURGERY), was even more unimaginable. Faith in huMANity definitely plummeted during those weeks.
Even at my lowest, with now visible pain and scars, these insecure souls were still so adamant at putting me down and making me feel guilty for the hand I did not choose. I learned a lot about people, the concept of true friends, and myself during this time.
I had friends and family bring me gift baskets, flowers, send kind messages, offer to run errands, etc. Then I also had “friends” who never reached out during the time period, complained about their issues and problems, and lived in their own little bubble of bliss and ignorance.
I am incredibly grateful for the people that chose to stay with me and hold my hand during these difficult times. The amount of love I have for my parents, my brother and sister in law, and dear Roxy is so unfathomable, and this phase of my life certainly highlighted my gratitude for them.
Just when I thought my life couldn’t get more gloomy and overcast, the lovely deans at UCSD swiftly swooped in to prove me wrong. After 6 months of preparing for accommodations to ease my load, given my health situation, the UCSD counseling staff successfully gave me little to no help at all. Approximately 24 hours post surgery and under full narcotics, I had the pleasure of taking a midterm in my living room. Do I remember anything from that exam? Nope. Not a single question. But spoiler alert folks, I still ended up graduating.
The first two weeks post surgery were ironically the healthiest I felt in years, as I write this in the ripe months of Summer 2024. From Valentine's day on, it all went downhill. My GI issues were the worst they’ve ever been. It didn’t matter if I ate plain rice, a bowl of fruit, a piece of toast, or a blueberry, everything made me sick. Everything made me nauseous, my body was incredibly weak, and I was basically holding on by a thread…mentally and physically. I mean I guess mentally you probably don’t feel too optimistic when you’re averaging going poop 11 times a day and it feels like being stabbed in the gut every time. True story. It was a shit show ;)
It also didn’t help that the only advice I received from my OBGYN surgeon was that “You’ll know” if something was off. Um well actually I don’t know if I agree with that because for 8 years my body has been in self destruction mode, and all along I had no idea that something was WRONG wrong. I thought maybe I was just another girl with problems. But that’s the issue with women’s health these days. Women are made to feel like the discomfort they experience is a necessary component to their sheer existence. This. Should. Not. Be. Acceptable. And unfortunately it is. Which is why I am completely, wholeheartedly devoted to rewriting the narrative on women's health.
Anyways, it turns out that the symptoms I was experiencing were actually not normal. Can you believe that? Here I was thinking that passing out on the bathroom floor was a common experience for a 22 year old. I thought to myself, “Jeez I’m a senior in college, living the lifestyle of a senior that needed to be living in a retirement home.” After months of endless tests (academic and health related), I can confidently say I have no idea where the amygdala is located, but I do know that your Secretory IGA* should not be in the red zone in the data collection set from a stool sample.
In my emergency meeting with the surgeon she said, and I quote, that my case was “rare” and most of her patients feel relief from surgery.
Cue the lights, and hand me my award please…
“I’d like to thank my ancestry for the rare genetics I’ve inherited. I’d also like to thank TikTok and Mik Zazon from social media for teaching me more about my reproductive health than any professor or teacher did in grade school and at one of the top institutions in the country. Lastly, to the adults who mistakenly said that my problems aren’t special, I think we finally can put that statement to rest.”
Come to find out that I acquired a bacterial infection from a surgery. I’m still unaware of which surgery contributed to this delightful, whimsical bacteria frolicking throughout my insides, wreaking havoc, but I can happily bid the bacteria farewell. I was immediately put on a strict regimen of herbal supplements and antibiotics, and felt immensely better. Dr. Laura Black from Integrative Health Solutions, Danae at the Pelvic Health Rehab Center, and Dr. Arielle at Arise Acupuncture, I genuinely am beyond grateful for the amount of support you’ve offered me during my health journey. I could not recommend these 3 ladies enough, they are incredible at what they do!!
Now I’m so excited to start sharing my story with other women’s healthcare brands like Semaine Health, My AIMA, and Rif Care, to name a few. I truly believe we have the capability in rewriting the story of a life women are forced to live, and can only dream of a future where young girls and grown women never have to feel burdened by the diseases they did not choose, and yet were unfortunately given. There is great power that grows from the pain we rise from and the resilience we harbor.
Amidst my trials and tribulations with Endo, bacterial infections, numerous viral infections, and my mental health struggles over the past 6 months-a year, I’ve had the opportunity to rebuild and strengthen my community of friendships and family. I started dancing (west coast swing and country swing) and found a group of beautiful, supportive friends through my weekly outings. From endless facetimes, themed parties, poetry slams, and innumerable line dances and partner dances, my community of friends helped me escape my reality of health struggles regularly. Thank you to my special people for picking me up and sharing a dance, even when I’ve been at my lowest. All my love to you. And of course to my family for guiding me through every step of my life thus far, and being my biggest supporters…I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’ve shown me a kind of love that is so inspiring. Love is contagious and motivating, really. I strive to give that same unconditional wealth of love back into the communities I find myself in, from now until the end of my days.
In the wise words of Mr. 305 (Pitbull), “This is for everybody going through times. Believe me, been there, done that. But everyday above ground is a great day, remember that.” Contrary to popular belief, I don’t think Mr. Worldwide was diagnosed with a bacterial infection and Endometriosis in the same 6 months. But I do know that we all have our hardships. And the only thing better than succumbing to the fear of fighting, is falling back into a community of love, trust, and support. If we opened our eyes to the struggles around and within us, and confronted them with loving, nurturing eyes, ears, and hands, we would find the freedom to heal together.
As always,
As you dance through life, choose to be kind,
To your aching body and your tired mind.
My struggles may not be yours, nor yours mine,
But I’ll always be here to RAYS YOUR VIBE.
Ray ❤️
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